I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My vagina is very pro this idea
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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