So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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