I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
