dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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