like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
