yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
