I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
