When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
