Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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