Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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