R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
