You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize