Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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