can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
