But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I forget how to act sober
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
