I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
