There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
