If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
