So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
