so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
