break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
