i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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