i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm experimenting with sincerity
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
