I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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