Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
