your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Congratulations! We have a period
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
