her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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