No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
