You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
