I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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