Pappa wants mamma naked
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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