i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
