And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I want a musical about memes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
