My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
