Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
