I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
