I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
