oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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