Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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