I wish I could teleport
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
