I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
