What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
