I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
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He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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