ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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