she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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