Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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