Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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