A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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