I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
