I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
