There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
