well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
