I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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