saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
