she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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