When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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