Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
