I just threw up on my dentist
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
