drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
