she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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