ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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