i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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