just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
