If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
